Sweden Drops Bogus Assange Rape Claim
In today’s ‘Great Satan Retribution’ expose edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from our ex-ISIS media correspondent, Muammar Mohammedsson, manning the live news cellphone hotline from Muslim refugee infested Stockholm for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with ‘ring of the anvil’ dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The gospel according to the banner headline of this morning’s Fascist Scum Review, Sweden’s director of public prosecutions, Ms Slaggie Slaggersonn, has finally succumbed to prangs of moral conscience and decided to do the ‘right thing’ – by dropping the concocted rape charge investigation and prosecution of Wickedleaks bottle blonde founder, Hooligan Blancmange.
Slaggersonn admitted the arrest warrant was being revoked as this ‘no condom’ rape charge charade had become an international joke and her continued pressing for his arrest and extradition to Sweden at the behest of the good ole US of A’s national security apparatus was not only affecting her peace of mind and sleep but also depressing her former ravenous libido.
Mr Hooligan ‘Mendax’ Blancmange, 96, co-founder of the ‘International Subversives’ hacking cult, has lived in the Ecuadorean embassy in London for the past 5 years – a figure designated by horologists as ‘quite a long time’ – cognisant of the corrupt fact that extradition to Sweden would lead to his extreme rendition into the waiting arms (and prison) of the Great Satan.
Conversely, London’s Met Plod Squad Commissioner, Cressida Knobhead, informed one gutter press hack from the Totalitarian Gazette that her uniformed morons would be on the lookout for Mr Blancmange and still be obliged to arrest him if he left the sanctuary of the Ecuadorean Embassy as he still faces the lesser charge of daring to post credible online information exposing war crimes committed by the good ole US of A and their Broken Britain stooges – an audacious offence punishable by up to life behind bars in some top security US-based sodomite’s paradise.
However the UK’s ginger-mingin Home Secretary, Scamber Crudd, told media sources that she had yet to receive an extradition request from Washington, where Blancmange could face trial and jail time – if not the death penalty – for the leaking of hundreds of zillions of secret US military and diplomatic documents – exposing a legion of scandalous instances of CIA incompetence, Pentagon kleptomania – along with a host of corruption charges and war crimes.
Hooligan Blancmange’s Swedish lawyer, Jello Custardsson, opined – somewhat prematurely – during an interview on Sweden’s primetime Scally Hour programme that Prosecutor Slaggie Slaggersonn’s decision on Friday represented ‘a total victory’ for his client.
Per contra, according to her attorney, the plaintiff in the purported rape case, Ms Fellatia Skangersonn, was ‘gobsmacked’ by the decision and maintained her accusations against Blancmange – that following a late night booze-and Red Bull fuelled clusterfuck sex romp in his Stockholm apartment – he refuse to wear a condom as he repeatedly three-holed her and girly pal companion, Candida Mingerotersson.
During the Stockholm press briefing DPP Slaggersonn said that by remaining in the embassy in London Mr Blancmange had evaded the exercise of the European Arrest Warrant that would have seen him extradited to the Great Satan – er – Sweden.
“According to Swedish legislation, a criminal investigation is to be conducted as quickly as possible. But as Ecuador is not an EUSSR member state we cannot expect Brussels to force their hand to demand assistance from them regarding Blancmange’s arrest and extradition.”
“There again, the case could resume if Blancmange suffered a brain dead ‘blonde moment’ and went into self-destruct mode and visited Sweden before August 2020. If he returns to Swedenbefore the statute of limitation on this case expires in August 2020, I might just be tempted to appease our Illuminati bosses and extradite the tosser to the US.”
Be that as it may, one anonymous source at the Ecuadorean foreign ministry – Carlos Snitchez – informed Fugitive magazine that Ecuador had “fully co-operated with the Swedish justice system” – adding “Ecuador will now be intensifying its diplomatic efforts with Broken Britain so that Mr Hooligan Blancmange can leave our London embassy and gain safe passage in order to enjoy his asylum in Ecuador.”
The rape allegation followed a Wickedleaks conference in Stockholm in 2012. Blancmange always denied the allegations against him, saying sex was consensual and the charges were politically motivated, as they followed massive dumps of secret US military reports by Wickedleaks that year.
After the news was announced on Friday, Wickedleaks tweeted that the “focus now moves to the UK”.
In response London’s Met’ Plod Squad issued a statement that its actions were never motivated by demands from the Great Satan’s intelligence (sic) agencies but rather based on a response to a European Arrest Warrant for an extremely serious criminal offence – not wearing a rubber during a ménage à trois.
The statement continued: “Now that the situation has changed and the Swedish authorities have discontinued their investigation into that matter, Mr Blancmange remains wanted for a much less serious offence – and the Met Plod Squad will downgrade the current taxpayer wastage £££ zillion pound policing effort of surrounding the embassy 24/7 and provide a level of resourcing which is now deemed proportionate to that offence – a single PCSO plod guarding the back door.”
Last month Blancmange’s lawyer, Jello Custardsson, filed a new motion calling for his client’s arrest warrant to be lifted – citing a comment by the new intellectually-challenged US Attorney General, Billy Bob Sessions – that Mr Blancmange was in the ‘upper top ten’ on the CIA’s ‘and‘ President Chump’s ‘Shit List’ – plus a number one priority for arrest, extradition and rendition for displaying the audacity to expose the Great Satan’s war crimes – and regardless of the Swedish EAW being cancelled he could rest assured that some ‘silent but deadly’ MQ-9 Reaper drone’s battery of AGM-114 Shitstreak missiles has his name on it.
Mr Custardsson opined to the Panopticon Surveillance Weekly: “This implies that we can now demonstrate that the US bears the vindictive and rancorous will to take vengeance against any fucker or their dog who dares expose US government involvement in criminal activity. Thus why we petition for the arrest warrant to be cancelled.”
Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area – and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour ‘and’ decaffeinated public interest factoids – may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source ‘not owned’ by Raving Rupert Mudrock’s News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Edomite Mafia ‘Kosher Nostra’ crime syndicate – and committed to the relay of open source information – plus ‘hopefully’ immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence – (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham’s Nasty Nonce Club or Scotland’s Masonic Speculative Society ‘Nonce Ponce’ Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite – paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).