karenirvineshoaxstead Gary Speed an other Bennell victim

‘I’m so depressed. I’m just going to go to sleep now and hope I never wake up’: Gary Speed’s widow reveals new letter showing the Wales manager battled depression from age of 17 until he took his own life

  • Louise Speed, 48, found letter he sent her when they were dating as teenagers 
  • Aged 17, the welshman said he was depressed and implied had suicidal thoughts
  • Finding the letter was ‘a lightbulb moment’ for Louise in realising Gary’s struggle

Gary Speed’s widow has found a letter suggesting the troubled football icon struggled with mental health problems since he was a teenager.

Louise Speed, 48, said ‘nobody had seen it coming’ when she found the father-of-two hanged in their Cheshire garage in 2011.

Now, she has revealed she stumbled on a handwritten note he sent her when he was 17 playing for Leeds United where he speaks of ‘wanting to never wake up’.

Gary Speed with wife Louise at a 2011 event in Manchester

Gary Speed with wife Louise at a 2011 event in Manchester

Gary Speed playing for Leeds United. He played for their youth team from 1984-1998 before graduating to their first team, where he played until 1996

Gary Speed playing for Leeds United. He played for their youth team from 1984-1998 before graduating to their first team, where he played until 1996

In the letter, the Welshman wrote: ‘I’m so depressed. I’m just going to go to sleep now and hope I never wake up. I love you so much.’

Gary, aged 18, in a Leeds United team picture

Gary, aged 18, in a Leeds United team picture

Gary had written the letter to Louise when the pair were dating as teenagers after meeting at Hawarden High School in north Wales.

She has no recollection of receiving the letter, but said it that confirms the ex-Welsh manager was battling with depression from a young age.

She said: ‘Seeing that was a lightbulb moment for me. It answers an awful lot about why he did what he did. It’s not something a normal 17-year-old would write, is it? Or not a well one. It seems to say it all really, when you consider how he ended his life.

‘If he had a mental illness then he probably had it from an early age.

‘Maybe Gary’s problems were a time-bomb waiting to explode.’

Recalling the hours before Gary took his own life, Louise said it had been a ‘normal day’.

The couple’s sons, Ed, 14, and Tom, 13, had played football.

Gary, then-42, had recorded an episode of BBC’s Football Focus and was in ‘high spirits’ and went to a party at a friend’s house.

She adds: ‘There’s never a day goes by that the memory of it doesn’t take my breath away. That scene was like a horror film. I wish there was an operation which could take your memory out and ­obliterate it from my mind.

Gary’s letter to Louise

Dear Louise,

I don’t really know what to say. I have been thinking about finishing at Leeds, I’ve also been thinking of other things which I won’t say. I’m so depressed. I’m just going to go to sleep now and hope I never wake up. I love you so much, I will always love you. I don’t know what else to say except you might see me sooner than you think, or otherwise. You never leave my mind, nothing else seems to matter anymore, I love you more than you can imagine.

Gary xxx

‘It’s something I will find hard to forgive Gary for. We were the ones who had to pick up the pieces and what he’d done was grotesque.

‘Everyone asks why he did it but I have no answers. That’s why I’ll never have any closure.

‘The letter has made me realise dark thoughts were there from a young age.

‘Very dark thoughts which he wasn’t able to talk about. Maybe something had happened early on which he had kept to himself.’

His widow found the note while helping Gary’s journalist friend John ­Richardson write new book Gary Speed Unspoken: The Family’s Untold Story, which is on sale from Thursday.

Gary Speed with his wife Loiuise shortly before his death in 2011

Gary Speed with his wife Loiuise shortly before his death in 2011

Pictured: A 14-year-old Gary Speed as a junior footballer in Manchester

Pictured: A 14-year-old Gary Speed as a junior footballer in Manchester

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Gary Speed, making his debut for Sheffield United in Wolverhampton in 2001

Gary Speed, making his debut for Sheffield United in Wolverhampton in 2001

Gary Speed said he was 'depressed' and 'never wanted to wake up', in a letter he wrote aged 17

Gary Speed said he was ‘depressed’ and ‘never wanted to wake up’, in a letter he wrote aged 17

The former Wales manager was one of four men who went on to take their own lives after being coached by convicted paedophile Barry Bennell.

Although Gary was questioned by police and made no allegations against Bennell, Louise told the Mirror he ‘may have been masking things’ and ‘was obviously struggling from 17’.

In a documentary aired in February, another of Bennell’s victims said he is ‘99.9 per cent certain’ the ex-Everton star suffered the same abuse as he did.

A fan holds up a 'There's only one Gary Speed' shirt in tribute to the late footballer

A fan holds up a ‘There’s only one Gary Speed’ shirt in tribute to the late footballer

He played for Crewe’s youth team at the same time Bennell was in charge, but told police he hadn’t suffered any abuse.

Speaking of the late midfielder, Louise said: ‘There was so much love out there for him and that’s why the impact it has left is almost indescribable. It rips apart a large part of you which you can never replace because what happened was unnatural.

‘Sometimes when I see homeless guys on the street I think, “What is it that keeps them going?” They have nothing. Gary had everything.

Lift the Veil

Published on Jul 11, 2018

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I just feel so horrible for these kids, you can see the unhappines in their eyes. There’s a very special place waiting for this monster in Hell and anyone who says this didn’t happen is straight up trolling. No child could make these horrific things up that they went through, you couldn’t even coach them on it, what they said was to fluid and organic plus we all know the evil that goes on in the world. I just get furious at even the mention of the word Hampstead. Please pray for these children that they don’t grow up to do what the father raised them in.

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22

P J Hunter
When I was listening to their stories their interviews etc… I realized I had heard the story before… and they both confirmed one another. They were thirty years apart almost. When I listened to Vicki it was so hard to hear… I just stored it away… till I heard the Hampstead kids… That is what woke me up. Here is Vicki’s story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7QXz6hDtxI

3

The Mystery Hopper
LOL, you two should put your heads together and make a fence.

1

Mark John
Excellent follow up story Natahan. This is indeed further confirmation of repeated child exploitation, by these perpetrators whom seem to have selective amnesia. It appears that “they” believe that their behavior is normal and without consequences. Far beyond anything normal and descent. Where is Law Enforcement, Arrests, Public Trials and The Must Do Justice System.? ….All are currently MIA. Behold! Father is watching everyone and everything. A Millstone is their just recompense….for it is

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING


Big Brother is Watching You… and now it gets really scary

By seagullnic

I HAVE just read the most disturbing news item I have come across in a long time.

I am beyond shocked… I am frightened for my children and my grandchildren

I cough and allow my mind to drift to a peaceful place sitting in the summer sunshine on the north side of the Isle of Jura watching the sea wash white horses on the rocks below me.

Less than 300 yards to the south of where I am sitting is the isolated cottage known as Barnhill… this was the rented home of writer George Orwell, who lived there intermittently from 1946 until his death in 1950. Orwell completed his novel Nineteen Eighty-Four while living there.

It was a place I visited often during my two years living and working as a newspaper editor in the wilds of Argyll, in western Scotland, some 28 years ago.

Barnhill always held a fascination for me, because Nineteen Eighty-Four had remained my favourite novel since I was first mesmerised by Orwell’s vision of a future dystopian world as a raw 14-year-old. And I loved to imagine the views he must have taken in while writing that classic of English literature.

First published in 1948, yet set 36 years later, Nineteen Eighty-Four tells the story of Winston Smith is a member of the Outer Party.

Winston works in the Records Department in the Ministry of Truth, rewriting and distorting history, under the dictator Big Brother.

But Winston is determined to remain human under inhuman circumstances and begins a diary. Yet telescreens are placed everywhere — in his home, in his cubicle at work, in the cafeteria where he eats, even in the bathroom stalls. His every move is watched. No place is safe.

One day, while at the mandatory Two Minutes Hate, Winston catches the eye of an Inner Party Member, O’Brien, whom he believes to be an ally. He also catches the eye of a dark-haired girl named Julia from the Fiction Department.

A few days later Julia secretly hands him a note that reads: “I love you.” Winston takes pains to meet her, and when they finally do, Julia draws up a plan whereby they can be alone.

Once alone in the countryside, Winston and Julia make love and begin their allegiance against the Party and Big Brother. They fall in love, and, while they know that they will someday be caught, they believe that the love and loyalty they feel for each other can never be taken from them.

Eventually, Winston and Julia confess to O’Brien, whom they believe to be a member of the Brotherhood (an underground organization aimed at bringing down the Party), their hatred of the Party.

O’Brien welcomes them into the Brotherhood with an array of questions and arranges for Winston to be given a copy of “the book,” the underground’s treasonous volume written by their leader, Emmanuel Goldstein.

Winston gets the book and takes it to the secure room where he reads it with Julia napping by his side. The two are disturbed by a noise behind a painting in the room and discover a telescreen. They are quickly dragged away and separated.

Winston finds himself deep inside the Ministry of Love, a prison with no windows, where he sits for days alone. Finally, O’Brien comes. Initially Winston believes that O’Brien has also been caught, but he soon realizes that O’Brien is there to torture him and break his spirit.

O’Brien spends the next few months torturing Winston in order to change his way of thinking — to employ the concept of doublethink, or the ability to simultaneously hold two opposing ideas in one’s mind and believe in them both.

Finally, O’Brien takes Winston to Room 101, the most dreaded room of all in the Ministry of Love, the place where prisoners meet their greatest fear. Winston’s greatest fear is rats. O’Brien places over Winston’s head a mask made of wire mesh and threatens to open the door to release rats on Winston’s face.

When Winston screams, “Do it to Julia!” he relinquishes his last vestige of humanity.

Winston is a changed man. He sits in the Chestnut Tree Café, watching the telescreens and agonizing over the results of daily battles on the front lines. He has seen Julia again. She, too, is changed, seeming older and less attractive. She admits that she also betrayed him. In the end, there is no doubt, Winston loves Big Brother.

Today, the year 1984 has long passed, but Orwell’s futuristic vision of hell on Earth remains.

Big Brother is now everywhere

Mainstream newspapers and TV channels feed us daily propaganda – the “facts” the Establishment wish us to believe
CCTV cameras are on every street corner and inside every store – yet we never know who is monitoring them
Number Plate Recognition cameras are installed at almost every filling station and car park
Sat Nav satellites pick-up every move of our car, van or truck
Cookies and spyware follow every finger click we make on our PC or tablet
Police DNA and fingerprint databases have more than 30% of adults logged on their files
MSN, Messenger text messages and private phone calls are harvested by government snoopers at GCHQ
Our employment, financial and residential history is catalogued in the finest detail by so-called credit reference agencies such as Equifax and Experian
Our lives are no longer secret… Big Brother knows all of us.

Which brings me back to beginning…

I stare again at the news item and in something which can only be described as Nineteen Eighty-Four meets Black Mirror the headline reads: Implanting Microchips for Convenience.

The article explains how plans are already being rolled out to implant a tiny microchip in people’s hand which could eventually replace the need for credit cards, car keys and much more.

And this dystopian world is almost upon us right now.

Micro-chipping is almost routine at the Swedish start-up hub Epicenter. The company offers to implant its workers and start-up members with microchips the size of grains of rice that function as swipe cards: to open doors, operate printers, or buy smoothies with a wave of the hand.

The injections have become so popular that workers at Epicenter hold parties for those willing to get implanted.

“The biggest benefit I think is convenience,” said Patrick Mesterton, co-founder and CEO of Epicenter.

As a demonstration, he unlocks a door by merely waving near it.

“It basically replaces a lot of things you have, other communication devices, whether it be credit cards or keys,” he explains.

The technology in itself is not new.

Such chips are used as virtual collar plates for pets. Companies use them to track deliveries. It’s just never been used to tag employees on a broad scale before.

Epicenter and a handful of other companies are the first to make chip implants broadly available.

While biologically safe, the data generated by the chips can show how often an employee comes to work or what they buy. Unlike company swipe cards or smartphones, which can generate the same data, a person cannot easily separate themselves from the chip.

“Of course, putting things into your body is quite a big step to do and it was even for me at first,” said Mr Mesterton, remembering how he initially had had doubts.

“But then on the other hand, I mean, people have been implanting things into their body, like pacemakers and stuff to control your heart,” he said. “That’s a way, way more serious thing than having a small chip that can actually communicate with devices.”

Epicenter, which is home to more than 100 companies and some 2,000 workers, began implanting workers in January 2015. Now, about 150 workers have them.

A company based in Belgium also offers its employees such implants.

And last year a company in Wisconsin has become the first in the USA to roll out microchip implants for all its employees.

The initiative, which is optional for employees at snack stall supplier Three Square Market (32M), implants radio-frequency identification (RFID) chips in staff members’ hands in between their thumb and forefinger.

Once tagged with the implant 32M says its employees will be able to perform a range of common office tasks with an effortless wave of their hand.

“We foresee the use of RFID technology to drive everything from making purchases in our office break room market, opening doors, use of copy machines, logging into our office computers, unlocking phones, sharing business cards, storing medical/health information, and used as payment at other RFID terminals,” says 32M CEO, Todd Westby.

The chips make use of near-field communication (NFC), and are similar to ones already in use in things like contactless credit cards, mobile payment systems, and animal tag implants.

“It will happen to everybody,” says Noelle Chesley, 49, associate professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

“But not this year, maybe not my generation, but certainly that of my kids.”

But Gene Munster, an analyst at Loup Ventures, thinks embedded chips in human bodies is 50 years away.

“The idea of being chipped has too “much negative connotation today,” he says, but by 2067 “we will have been desensitized by the social stigma.”

So the next time your child has to stand in-line for an eye recognition device to pay for their school dinner, or the next time you use your finger print to log into your iPhone, remember the Isle of Jura and George Orwell’s words of warning.

Big Brother is watching you.

 

Big Brother

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Question It!

by Natasha

Welcome to another week.

As 2018 draws to a close, we would like to ask you one very simple question: what has been your biggest child welfare concern this year?

Whether it’s the government’s failure to address child exploitation, a lack of support for parents going through care proceedings or something else entirely, share your thoughts with our community and tell us what worried you the most in 2018.

SPIDERCAT 3 CETIC NONCE COACH IN 6 WEEKS ….WORSE THAN PRIESTS

spidercatweb.blog

THIRD #Celtic Boys Club coach found guilty of child abuse in space of 6 weeks

A former Celtic Boys club manager has been found guilty of sexually abusing eight teenagers.

Jurors took two hours to return the verdict against Frank Cairney, 83, after a trial at Hamilton Sheriff Court.

The 83-year-old becomes the third ex-Celtic Boys Club coach to be convicted of child abuse in the past six weeks.

Cairney was placed on the sex offenders register and was granted bail until he is sentenced next month.

He was found guilty of nine charges of molesting young boys at football clubs he ran between 1965 and 1986.

He was found to have abused the teens while running St Columba’s Boys Guild in Viewpark, Lanarkshire, and the under-16s team at Celtic Boys Club.

Cairney joined Celtic Boys Club in 1971 after being asked to run the youth side by legendary manager Jock Stein.

Sheriff Daniel Kelly QC praised the courage of Cairney’s victims, who he said had brought the matters to public scrutiny.

During the trial, the court was told he molested youngsters in a church hall, in his car and at Celtic’s Barrowfield training ground.

One of the victims, who was abused in the early 1970’s, has launched a civil case against Celtic FC with Thompsons Solicitors.

Laura Connor a partner with Thompsons Solicitors said: “This is another conviction of an abuser from Celtic Boys Club who was very closely connected with Celtic Football Club.

“As our client has made very clear the links between the two institutions could not have been more clear. The children trained at Celtic park with former Celtic players and wore Celtic strips.

“Most damning, some of the abuse was carried out in the Celtic dressing room at the stadium. The club are liable for this abuse and must compensate the survivors as quickly as possible. If they continue to ignore the victims we will see them in court.”

HeraldScotland:

Last month Boys Club founder Jim Torbett (above) was jailed for six years, after being convicted of sexually abusing three boys over an eight-year period. His victims included youth players Kenny Campbell and Andrew Gray, who had waived their right to anonymity.

Another coach, and former Celtic Boys Club chairman, Gerald King, was convicted earlier this month of abusing four boys and a girl in the 1980s. The 66-year-old was coaching football at a primary school in the north of Glasgow when he carried out the crimes.

Celtic Boys’ Club was founded by Torbett in 1966 with the permission of the then Celtic FC manager, the late Jock Stein and former chairman Sir Robert Kelly.

It was created as a separate entity from the football club, but it has been closely linked throughout its history and acted as a feeder club, producing a string of Celtic players including Roy Aitken, Paul McStay and Tommy Burns.

Torbett was jailed for two years in 1998 on conviction of abusing three former Celtic Boys’ Club players, including former Scotland international Alan Brazil, between 1967-74.

Celtic later expressed “deep regret” over the abuse carried out by paedophile Torbett.

HeraldScotland:

Celtic said it had taken the allegations of abuse “extremely seriously” because of its “historic contacts” with Celtic Boys’ Club which it then described as an entirely separate organisation.

Celtic have yet to comment on the Cairney conviction

ALISHIA MACPHAIL THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

#AleshaMacPhail: Teenage boy denies abducting, raping and murdering six-year-old on Isle of Bute

10 DEC 2018

Prosecutors allege the 16-year-old was armed with a knife when he took Alesha from her bed at a house in Rothesay, Bute, in July this year.

A teenage boy is to stand trial charged with abducting, raping and murdering a six year-old girl.

The 16 year-old – who cannot be named for legal reasons – is accused of killing Alesha MacPhail on the Isle of Bute in July this year.

Alesha’s mother Georgina Lochrane from Airdrie, who is a witness in the case, was given special permission by judge Lady Rae to be present in court to see the proceedings against the teenager accused of murdering her daughter.

Schoolgirl Alesha MacPhail died on the Isle of Bute earlier this year

The boy is said to have “applied pressure” to her face, inflicted injuries by “means unknown” with prosecutors alleging he went on to rape and murder Alesha.

The teenager then faces a separate charge of attempting to defeat the ends of justice.

It is alleged he went to another house in Ardbeg Road before disposing of the clothes he had worn and then taking a shower to remove blood from his body.

Alesha MacPhail

Alesha MacPhail was on holiday on the Isle of Bute at the time of the incident